20 Jul 2006
Well a lot of people (and by “people” I mean pirates (and by “pirates” I mean the old drunk beggar that sleeps under the pier beside my ship)) have been asking me “Captain Drew, what did you think o’ the new Pirates movie?” to which I’ve been replying “Please, old man, stand downwind when you address me!” and then, later, “Well, I think it be right smart, I do. I especially like the pictures of the girls from the Pub Sing and…” at which point those people(pirates(beggar)) reply “No, no, I don’t mean your sad little internot movies, I mean the new pirate movie from Disney, the one starring Johnny Depp.” Oh. That movie.
Well, it’s all right I guess…
If you’re into that sort of thing. You know, pirate movies.
Me? I likes them movies where people sit around for two hours talkin’ and talkin’ until you think you’re going to need a stiff drink, whereupon you discover that in fact you have a stiff drink tucked into your breeches. Oh my yes, those are quite the movies I like.
Also, anything with singing robots. Captain Drew wishes that somebody would build him a singing robot. Or maybe give him money to build his own singing robot. A pirate can dream….
Oh but my most favorite movies of all are the movies about the lasses that can’t seem to stay in their clothes. There aren’t enough movies about lasses that can’t stay in their clothes. Do old Captain Drew a favor the next time you go to see a movie and ask the manager if there’s a reason that they don’t run more o’ them movies. You know, with the lasses. That… can’t… stay… in their clothes. Let me know what they say, I be real curious. Oooo, how about a movie with singing robots and lasses that can’t stay in their clothes? Genius! I need that movie!
So back to the question: What did I think of the movie?
I thought it were quite fine actually. Loved it. Married it. Don’t know what all the caterwaulin’ was about in the first place. All those nancy girl movie critics can suck my catling. You know, I don’t really know what that means exactly, it were the title of an email I once received and it sounded quite filthy so I’ve started using it.
Anyway, the movie says it’s all about pirates and pirates be what they showed, almost exclusively-like. Wall to wall pirates it were, so what’s the fuss? Why all the cryin’ about the movie bein’ nothin’ more than a set-me-up for the next one in line? Didn’t you know that they’d done been filmin’ that one as well? Shows what kind of pirate you are if you didn’t. The movie had it all… you know, all that stuff that good movies have.
And plenty of it.