8 Mar 2013
Most people are convinced that my success as a space pirate is due to my keen knowledge of the tides, my shrewd instinct for naval battle strategies, and a certain fearlessness for leading my crew into adventures they’d never attempt on their own. But this is of course a load of dingoes kidneys. The real Secret to My Success are my magic boat underboxers, as pictured above (and below).
That’s right, people.
Every time you’ve seen me in action, I’ve had these magical trotters on beneath my breeches. They give me courage, they give me wisdom, they give me gentle guidance so as my testicles do not go flouncing out onto the pavement. In short, they are the power behind Captain Drew. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever, and I must go in search of my next magic talisman. If you happen to draw a line on a supplier of these particular whaleboat undershorts, I would appreciate your assistance in procuring more – though I do sincerely believe that these may be the only pair on your delightful little mudball.
Here be another picture to assist you in your quest to sheath my loins in new magicks!
And one more, because you seem so interested…
If you find some just tweet me at @PiratePalooza
Okay, now go away.
GET OUT OF MY CABIN!!!
It’s bloody 3am.