A Pirate’s Review of an Indian Restaurant

Included below is a restaurant review I contributed to Yelp.com back in 2010.

Pirate Restaurant Review

This den of vegetarian confoundery provided Yours Truly with one of the most disappointing dining experiences this side of the Magellanic Cloud, which was, frankly, FANTASTIC (if you’re a fan of bad reviews).

Not since the Great Hairy Bread Expedition of 1873 have I been as excited to relate my experiences about a slop hall as I am now with Madras Saravana Bhavan, located Nor’Noreast of Decatarrrr, Georgia.

I arrived to find my dining companions, Dwight and Barbara, studiously wading through two large and sticky color catalogs filled with images of food with exotic names like Tug and Bandr and Prath and yes, of course I’m making these names up because the REAL names are so bloody exotic that they flew out of my mind as soon as I read them out of those filthy (yet colorful) menus which served as our passport to the world of vegetarian Indian cuisine.

“I’m afraid to drink the water,” announced Barbara, eyeing the tepid pitcher with a wrinkled nose.

“Barbara,” I scolded, “may I remind you that you’re in Decatarrr, not India?”

Her eyes said “You sure about that Buster?”

After 20 minutes of anxious waiting a man with a notepad ambled by our prominent corner booth, muttering something under his breath which sounded suspiciously like Continue Reading