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Captain Drew Regarding SOPA

I have recently (5 minutes ago) been made aware of something called “SOPA” which is meant to stop piracy. What a very silly thing. How would giving us pirates a bath stop us? Look man, we LIVE on the wet, wet ocean* so what good would that do? Would a clean pirate be any less drunk on rum? Would a drunk pirate be any less fascinated with breastie dumplings? What be up with all this pirate hate anyhow, Representative Lamar Smith? I am beginning to suspect that the United States is run by a flock of fat old ninjers who be jealous of me, Captain Drew, inventor of the rPlank and the book, the Official Survival Guide to the rPlank (available on, in color and black & white). Listen, Congress: leave us be. Quit trying to give us a bath or we’ll let our dirty pirate hookers go to the press!!!**

Help Congress to fashion sensible laws that don’t attack your rights, learn more about SOPA and PIPA today. Follow this link and make your voice heard! You can even make it a funny voice if you like. Just do it. Hurry, because they’re scheduled to vote on January 24th.

* all them other pirates, anyhow. I be a space pirate, remember?
** an entirely idle threat


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