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Offended Artists Justify Themselves with Petulant Redesign


Dear humans of the United States, just when I believe that I have finally understood what drives your species you go and have a swutting juju-flop of a frandelkrap about some bloody t-shirts that simply encouraged your children to pick themselves up from your nasty, action-figure strewn carpeted floors, launch themselves past your sketchbook-cluttered love seat filled with abortive attempts at manga versions of the Harry Potter gang, stride purposefully down the hallway lined with your collection of travel posters to Endor and Tatooine and Hoth, and step outside to boldly stare up into the night sky and dream of becoming actual astronauts and scientists and world leaders instead of video game and tattoo artists to compete in an already glutted marketplace.

The very concept of a clothing merchant telling me how to raise my (theoretical) child is (theoretically) outrageous, and as a very important (space) pirate who wants as much time in the spotlight as possible I would clearly like to get a piece of this (controversial) action, as I smell there’s money to be made in it (somehow).

Since those canny art-supporters have handily cornered the “outrage” market I have decided to go after them, to steal the profits they stand to gain from this incident. Toward that end I have asked my cabin girls to identify a few groups who love outrage and they came back with the two shirts shown above. Now, I know that “hipsters” mean “lady lumberjacks”, but I am not 100% certain what “SJW” stands for but I believe that it may be for actor “Sam Waterston”, who often yells at people on television.

This is as far as we’ve gotten on this plan, and it feels as solid as anything I’ve ever come up with. Interested in investing? Let me know!


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