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Dragon*Con Sucked

Disappointed Conventioneers

(Note: please read the date this was posted, so that you don’t feel a ninny). I need to know why all of you lot be so charmed with Dragon*Con. I mean!! I went to it yesterday and it weren’t nothing special whatsoever. In fact, it be about the worst convention I ever seen!! Plus, it weren’t nearly as big as I’d heard tell…. if they had more than 400 people there I’ll eat me rPhone™!! Okay, here’s the story… I arrived at the hotel a little before the first dog watch (that be 4pm to you lubbers) and for about 15 minutes I be having a GREAT time until I were politely asked to leave… turns out that I’d made a wrong turn at the bottom of the moving staircase and had traipsed into a grand wedding party for a young couple what hailed from that part of the world my folk used to call Hindustan.

Let me tell you, all of them people at that Far East wedding had FAR better costumes than the ones I saw at Dragon*Con, which were located across the hall and down a bit, in a dingy, dimly lit room full of people dressed in mostly black.

The Glory of Dragon*Con 2008

The sign-up tables for the convention be mighty crowded (four people in line), so I just walked into the convention and nobody tried to stop me or ask to see me badge. I recommend this to anyone what don’t like waiting in long lines.

Chip at the Registration Table

The only costumes I seen in that sad excuse for a convention were a feller in a skirt, a lady in a red hat, a woman wearing bunny ears and a tall gentleman what insisted he were with “teh cops” for 16 years.


Call Teh Cops!!

I were looking for girls dressed only in tape, and didn’t see none.

So, no boobies for the Captain 🙁

Miss Dragon*Con 2008

The entire incident (for I cannot call this thing a ‘con’) hardly lasted an hour, and was full of chatter. Chatter, chatter, chatter, oh LORD did those nerds chatter. Near about as I could make out, this Dragon*Con is all about nerds being on each other’s team.

Some of teams be in charge of parades, some in charge of taking money from people, and some seemed entirely devoted to shrieking very loudly into the only microphone in the room, which is what I felt like doing several times since they weren’t actually DOING anything on stage.

And what a pitiful stage it were!!
I couldn’t even see it from my seat on the floor, leaning up against the wall (I’d been told that this position were the most popular spot for a “Dragon*Conner”).

What I want to know is: how does one get up to the balcony overlooking the convention? I figured if I could just find out how to get up there I might be able to see some boobies. I wonder if anyone else had ever thought about getting up to them balconies?


I didn’t get to see none of them famous movie lubbers I’d heard tell come to these convention things… and I didn’t see no booths filled with toys or games… and to be quite honest, the whole event (for I cannot call this thing a ‘con’) felt a bit rushed. Again: the whole thing hardly lasted an hour.

About the most exciting moment of the entire convention were when a feller stood up and yelled into the microphone that he had “electric testicles”, which seemed to draw a brief, hushed yelp out of the crowd. I’m still not sure what that were all about, but I can tell you right now that that Dragon*Con crowd would’ve gone apoplectic if this space pirate had gotten ahold of the microphone.

There were a fair bit of mingling when it were all over… I suppose most of them lubbers had such a good time that they needed to stand around and re-live their favorite parts of the convention.

Post-Convention Mingling

All in all, I have to say that this year’s Dragon*Con SUCKED.

(Did anybody else see a bunch of cardboard boxes running down the hall???)


17 Responses to this post.

  1. drew's Gravatar

    Posted by drew on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Ah. A correction.
    I now recall that the feller with the microphone said he had “singing testicles”, not “electric testicles”.

  2. Thomas Kerns's Gravatar

    Posted by Thomas Kerns on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Hey do not mock the popularity of my fist!

  3. Disbandedtoastr's Gravatar

    Posted by Disbandedtoastr on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Brilliant. =o)

    I (for one) want to know more about this “electric testicles” fella. He *does* sound interesting!

  4. Disbandedtoastr's Gravatar

    Posted by Disbandedtoastr on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Well, “singing testicles” won’t go with my planned costume *quite* as well, but still…. interesting….

  5. Psyche's Gravatar

    Posted by Psyche on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am


  6. Grimthorn Redbeard's Gravatar

    Posted by Grimthorn Redbeard on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Tell me that you at least managed to catch the parade…


  7. drew's Gravatar

    Posted by drew on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Well I weren’t going to say nothing about that, but now that you mention it, I actually thought that I were IN the parade for about five minutes until that feller finally managed to push me off of his two-wheeled horseless chariot.

  8. Grimthorn Redbeard's Gravatar

    Posted by Grimthorn Redbeard on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    No, you were right. That was the parade. It looked twice as big as last year.


  9. drew's Gravatar

    Posted by drew on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am


  10. Drusilla's Gravatar

    Posted by Drusilla on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Um… DragonCon 2008 has not happened yet…..? It’s not for another month. Not sure where you were!

  11. drew's Gravatar

    Posted by drew on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Hey mate, tell that to all them lubbers in the pictures!!

  12. Osiris's Gravatar

    Posted by Osiris on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    What you attended was the final staff meeting for the con. That was all staffers not congoers. Come see us in 40 days or so when there are thousands and thousands with more costumes and boobies than you can shake your singing testicles at.

  13. Jimmy's Gravatar

    Posted by Jimmy on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    um…………….. dragon con isn’t until the last weekend of August……………you might have been at 1 of the pow wows to make sure everything is ready to go for next month…………the past 10 years that i have been it has done nothing but grow. wait the the real con and go. you will see

  14. drew's Gravatar

    Posted by drew on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    No, no, no, mateys, I never get things confused…. all of them people there kept talking about how it was DragonCon… boy did it ever suck!! 😉

  15. tom's Gravatar

    Posted by tom on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    wow did you get your dates wrong! lay off the captain morgan… the con was on labor day weekend.

  16. drew's Gravatar

    Posted by drew on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    I continue to be amazed by the lack of guile the denizens of your world exhibit. I’m telling you mates, this world be ripe for the plucking by a smart space pirate… who’s with me??? We’ll start with those what have never heard of “comedy” and move along to the girls what don’t wear underwear. Wait. Let’s change that order….. mmmm??

  17. Mistress Varlet's Gravatar

    Posted by Mistress Varlet on 13.07.08 at 7:38 am

    Aye, these daft scalwags have no sense o’ humor.
    Me parrot concurrrrs.