15 Apr 2006
“If you don’t clean out your ship you’re never goin’ to meet a nice, young, child-bearin’ wench,” shouted me Mom last Thursday. “Don’t you know that lasses favor Captains what have scrubbed their hulls and polished their decks?” Well I suppose old Mum is right. Tis’ time for some Spring cleaning! I hates to get rid of perfectly good swag but you can’t keep everything, so today I’m tossing some things overboard.
- My autographed copy of “A Pirate Looks at Jimmy Buffet”? Splash. Sorry Jimmy.
- The wedding garter from Jenny “Swishy Bottom” McMurdo, Empress of the Ten Dollar Dance? Splash.
- My collectible Franklin Mint “Flying Spaghetti Monster Over Toldeo” statuette? Splash. I be Methodist anyway.
- Coleco-vision? Splash. I never did see Smurfette without her bloomers. Truly a shame.
- Donald Trump action figure? Splash. Whoever heard of “karate hair action” anyhow?
- Ronco Boobmaster 5000? Splash. Wenches’ll either show ’em to you or they won’t. Two plastic bowls glued together don’t seem to work any extra magic.
Hmmm, now I be wonderin’ if I could have sold some of that rubbish instead of throwin’ it into old Davy Jones’ locker. But would anybody want to buy some of Captain Drew’s old swag?