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Spring Cleaning

Captain Drew's Mum

Dear Diary,
“If you don’t clean out your ship you’re never goin’ to meet a nice, young, child-bearin’ wench,” shouted me Mom last Thursday. “Don’t you know that lasses favor Captains what have scrubbed their hulls and polished their decks?” Well I suppose old Mum is right. Tis’ time for some Spring cleaning! I hates to get rid of perfectly good swag but you can’t keep everything, so today I’m tossing some things overboard.

  • My autographed copy of “A Pirate Looks at Jimmy Buffet”? Splash. Sorry Jimmy.
  • The wedding garter from Jenny “Swishy Bottom” McMurdo, Empress of the Ten Dollar Dance? Splash.
  • My collectible Franklin Mint “Flying Spaghetti Monster Over Toldeo” statuette? Splash. I be Methodist anyway.
  • Coleco-vision? Splash. I never did see Smurfette without her bloomers. Truly a shame.
  • Donald Trump action figure? Splash. Whoever heard of “karate hair action” anyhow?
  • Ronco Boobmaster 5000? Splash. Wenches’ll either show ’em to you or they won’t. Two plastic bowls glued together don’t seem to work any extra magic.

Hmmm, now I be wonderin’ if I could have sold some of that rubbish instead of throwin’ it into old Davy Jones’ locker. But would anybody want to buy some of Captain Drew’s old swag?


3 Responses to this post.

  1. dwivian's Gravatar

    Posted by dwivian on 15.04.06 at 8:40 am

    Never underestimate the power of eBay.

  2. Rusty Anchor's Gravatar

    Posted by Rusty Anchor on 15.04.06 at 8:40 am

    I will never look at you in that mask the same way again! Not that I looked at you in a certain way before… never mind you know what I mean. Just make sure you scrub your own deck.

  3. drew's Gravatar

    Posted by drew on 15.04.06 at 8:40 am