18 Sep 2009
Do you see that map up there, Jim m’lad? That be a map to the Holiday Inn Conference Center in the heaaaaarrrrrrt of Decatarrrrr, and that be where YOU should be planning on spending the night if you have had more than three nipperkins of ale, rum or grog during the course of the Palooza. The last thing anyone needs is to hear that you’ve stolen a haywagon and had a romp off through the countryside, endangering man and beast, wench and baby, in the dead of night… and the last thing that you need Jim m’lad, is to have the Queen’s own Black Torrent Guard shoving a sharp-stick-alyzer up your never-you-mind.
What we’re trying to say is, designate a sailor in your group to make sure that you all get back to your home port without risking your life or the life of any of the lubbers what abide in these parts.
Solutions for Sailing Home Safely
- Get a Room : The Holiday Inn Express is only a block away from the parade route. Watch my PiratePalooza™ movies in your room while you sober up. Maybe you’ll score with that little hottie what’s had her eye on you all night… you know, after you sober up.
- Designated Driver : surely someone loves you enough to stay sober and get you home in one piece? Let them.
- Take a Taxi :
Checker Taxi (404) 351-1111
Decatur’s Best (404) 289-6603
print these numbers out and be ready to use them.
- Be a Designated Drunk-Spotter : Be on the lookout for drunks who may be leaving alone. Stop them. Help find a safe way of getting them home and save a life tonight, Elton. Click on the badge below for a larger version that you can cut out and pin to your shirt so we’ll know to salute you at the pubsing!
- Don’t Use Mayberry Logic : No Barney, it doesn’t matter how much coffee you drink… it’s not going to sober you up. That alcohol has to be processed by your liver and other interior organettas. If you’ve been drinking at a moderate rate simply switch to water or sodas a couple of hours before you plan to leave. Note that some of these bars and restaurants serve “high gravity” beers which are more powerful than your normal pint. One of them is enough to push you into the territory of legal intoxication, so be sure to ask your bartender the alcohol content of the ale you’re sipping.