PiratePalooza.com Rum. Cleavage. Pubcrawls. YARRRR!

This weekend pirates will descend upon the Georgia Renaissance Festival for their annual late spring gathering. The traditional meeting point for this assembly is the Pub on the Hill, a picturesque pub serving beer, wine, cider, and ale.  This spot is one of several pubs featuring stage acts like Landloch’d and the Beastly Boys. It also features Friar Finegan, a monk who is developing a habit for leading festival-goers on pub crawls.

In an effort to assert his now-legendary pubcrawl-leading credentials, Captain Drew has made “arrangements” to lead a “pub crawl” of his own this Saturday at GARF’s Pirate Invasion. The Captain’s pub crawl will begin at the Pub on the Hill around 12:30pm, it will arrive at the Drunk Monk Pub by 1:15pm (wine and cheese MAY be available upstairs, if renovations are complete), arrive at the Brewer’s Pub by 2pm (musical act TBD by fate), then return back to the Pub on the Hill in time to join in on Continue Reading

Yours truly, Captain Drew, was lucky enough to secure an invitation to an exclusive industry launch party for the fifth album by Landloch’d, a duo with a penchant for whiskey and sheep. This latest album is clearly their classiest one yet because it features the band’s mascot Delilah wielding a trident with a heart impaled on its Continue Reading

Late Sunday afternoon news of an incredible discovery at the Georgia Renaissance Festival began circulating in the general vicinity of a bush located across the street from the popular springtime event. Passersby report that a man disguised as a “big brown burglar” was shouting the “combination” to an alleged secret entrance to an air-conditioned underground brewpub located directly beneath the ground floor of the new Continue Reading

Yesterday I was directing the workmen who were replacing the figurehead for the front of my ship when I noticed a tiny red flag had popped out of my rPhone so I carefully dialed the number to the orbital telemail waystation to check my inbox and discovered that the ticket drovers down at the Georgia Renaissance Festival had announced the best deal yet on tickets to the Georgia Renaissance Festival. After purchasing a bootful of tickets for myself I decided to Continue Reading

Three years ago our mate Thomas O. McJunkins (the Mad Black Bard) took St. Peter a quart of Johnny Jump Up and in honor of his impassioned spirit we encourage you to remember him each May be lifting high your mug and drinking some of that legendary stuff.

Here is T.O. singing Johnny Jump Up at the Georgia Renaissance Festival in 2011.

We shall see you again, T.O.!

I stumbled across these Sontoran Whiz Rockets at the Georgia Renaissance Festival this past weekend and while I did not see them in operation I did note that there were no warning signs or instructions posted. One little fellow tumbled out of a normal porta-potty and announced that “My junk ain’t tall enough to fit!”. I have yet to try these out and am interested to know if anyone else has experience piloting one of these contraptions. Question: do you need to have 4 passengers before it will go?

I know a lot of lubbers hide in their shacks when the storm clouds push in, but this past weekend at the Georgia Renaissance Festival I observed how the show goes on whether it rains or shines and I’ll count down TEN reasons why you should toss on your galoshes and head down to New Castle.

10. GREAT PARKING
    On rainy days there are fewer cars which means that you get to park a lot closer to the entrance!
    

9. CHEAPER THAN A WATER PARK
   The last time I checked (which was 3 minutes ago) a discount day pass ticket to White Water was $39.99 and the water parks don’t sell turkey legges or swords.
   

8. SHORTER LINES
   Whether you’re in line for boiled eggs on a stick or the Welsh Shin-Kicking Ride, you won’t have as long to wait
   

7. CLEAN RENNIES
   A rare sight indeed if you were to listen to the slanderous Haymarket press that I’ve written in past about rennies. All the same, bring some Himalayan Pink Salt Bar Soap along and see what happens!
   

6. WAY COOLER
   By the time May rolls around the temps really begin to climb, but a jolly good rain storm can really chill you to the bone. Bring a bikini shawl along, just in case.
   

Continue Reading

A gaggle of unsuspecting minstrels were swallowed up by the earth this past Sunday when a section of the Royal High Road in New Castle buckled due to a previously undetected tunnel, reported the Royal Guard.

Captain Drew, spokespirate for the Royal Alliance of Space Pirates (R.A.S.P.), responded via telex that his organization was “totally not involved in this unfortunate tunnel collapse” and that “the tunnel had not even been finished yet” and that “peepholes had Continue Reading

On Saturday evening reports began filtering in to the ship that Captain Drew had been conspicuously absent from the opening day of the Georgia Renaissance Festival, as there were no reports of broken railings and zero beers spilled on Edward the Redbeard.  There were, however, scattered whisperings from around the kingdom suggesting that someone matching the Captain’s description might have been been spotted on the grounds the previous evening and there were several suspicious incidents reported, including a lingering power outage at The Peacock Tea Room (a popular dining destination) and some non-functional taproom equipment at a popular Continue Reading

After an exciting incident with scones and a wooden chair at the Royal Peacock Tea Room, and in an effort to decrease rail and bannister-related injuries, I recently assumed the position of INSPECTOR with the Bureau of Renaissance Festival Inspections and paid a visit upon the Georgia Renaissance Festival and am pleased to announce that Continue Reading