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PiratePalooza TV can now confidently report that the Georgia Renaissance Festival (GARF) will replace its wildly popular joust with the world’s largest Renaissance wave pool.

At more than 1.5 acres, this new venue will be named the Dragoon Lagoon – easily stealing the crown from the Great Golly Wash at the Upper Mid-Kansas Enlightenment Faire.

Classic European Construction

The design and manufacture of this beach resort was awarded to the firm of Erlatz Fink, the same group responsible for the Georgia faire’s controversial roller coaster, The Consort Express.

According to our sources, the signature red Georgia clay comprising the current jousting grounds is already being covered with fine beach sand imported from lower Alabama, like many of the festival’s patrons.

In a fit of pique, Captain Drew ordered his crew to pummel the kingdom of Newcastle with his blistering heat cannons since they refused to surrender to his demand that Hollywood actress Jennifer Aniston moderate a debate between the Captain and King Henry Tudor to advance the Captain’s campaign for a non-existent election for the crown of that realm.

Concern began to quietly spread throughout America’s burgeoning Renaissance Festival network on Monday, following the latest revelation that a Starbucks cup had been spotted during a celebration scene in the latest episode of HBO’s immensely popular sword and sorcery series Game of Thrones.

National Renaissance Festival Experts are concerned that hundreds of be-caffeinated playtrons may soon descend upon active faires across the country this weekend, waving Starbucks’ iconic (and deliciously anachronistic) white and green paper cups over their heads, bursting with pride at their own cleverness.

Shortly after Noon on Saturday, April 14th, Captain Drew casually announced to a group of sea pirates gathered at the Tavern Upon the Hill in Newcastle that he had just decided to “run for King”. This was received with much more enthusiasm than his last plan to dig for treasure in a privy.

The Captain named his longtime rival Billy Bones as his running mate, cementing Newcastle’s once-fractured Pirate Party into a formidable voting bloc.

The growing list of the Captain’s campaign promises include:

With scant few days left before the 2018 Pirate Weekend at the Georgia Renaissance Festival I felt it important to let everybody know that I have successfully infiltrated Newcastle’s web engine, stored behind the arcade located beneath the Drunk Monk Tavern. With the power of this 1990s technology I have reprogrammed the Continue Reading

With only a few days left before this weekend’s opening day at the Georgia Renaissance Festival we have breaking news of a new attraction which is rumored for installment at the park: an honest to gosh rollercoaster!! The concept photograph accompanying this article shows a modern pipeline style coaster painted red and yellow, the colors most often used for roller coasters during the reign of Henry Continue Reading

There’s an unofficial tradition among the cast at the Georgia Renaissance Festival that Memorial Day is observed as a “prank day” for tweaking costumes, characters, storylines, and songs ever so slightly as to entertain each other in order to survive the final leg of a brutal 3-day run. These minor alterations usually go unnoticed by patrons of the festival, but they provide the cast with tremendous entertainment, a welcome distraction from the scorching heat, dusty streets, and occasional deluge and lightning storm.  In my opinion the undisputed “winner” of GARF’s 2017 Prank Day was Estaban Diego de Castille who showed up as Continue Reading

This past Saturday was the first of a 2-day pirate invasion of the Georgia Renaissance Festival, and I must admit that I had a great time wandering around the old place again. We started the day at the front door where some lady in purple yelled at everybody a long time before letting us all in.  I think she did that as a distraction so we didn’t notice all them boobs everywhere, but man I noticed.  After the lady finished yelling at us they opened the door so we could get in and once Continue Reading

This weekend pirates will descend upon the Georgia Renaissance Festival for their annual late spring gathering. The traditional meeting point for this assembly is the Pub on the Hill, a picturesque pub serving beer, wine, cider, and ale.  This spot is one of several pubs featuring stage acts like Landloch’d and the Beastly Boys. It also features Friar Finegan, a monk who is developing a habit for leading festival-goers on pub crawls.

In an effort to assert his now-legendary pubcrawl-leading credentials, Captain Drew has made “arrangements” to lead a “pub crawl” of his own this Saturday at GARF’s Pirate Invasion. The Captain’s pub crawl will begin at the Pub on the Hill around 12:30pm, it will arrive at the Drunk Monk Pub by 1:15pm (wine and cheese MAY be available upstairs, if renovations are complete), arrive at the Brewer’s Pub by 2pm (musical act TBD by fate), then return back to the Pub on the Hill in time to join in on Continue Reading

Yours truly, Captain Drew, was lucky enough to secure an invitation to an exclusive industry launch party for the fifth album by Landloch’d, a duo with a penchant for whiskey and sheep. This latest album is clearly their classiest one yet because it features the band’s mascot Delilah wielding a trident with a heart impaled on its Continue Reading