16 May 2018
Pirate Weekend 2018 at GARF
With scant few days left before the 2018 Pirate Weekend at the Georgia Renaissance Festival I felt it important to let everybody know that I have successfully infiltrated Newcastle’s web engine, stored behind the arcade located beneath the Drunk Monk Tavern. With the power of this 1990s technology I have reprogrammed the weekend’s events in a theme more befitting our people.
First, I have renamed the “Highlands” area to “Pirate Territory”, which makes sense because there is a great big fake ship in the general vicinity. Nothing says “pirate” like a great big fake ship on the side of a hill next to a dusty, gravel-strewn lane.
ONLY PIRATES will be allowed into this area.
Also allowed in will be old people, annoyed-looking women pushing strollers, anybody that looks big enough to beat us up, drunk people or people who are willing to buy us a drink. Possibly others.
New Attractions
While in our the new Pirate Territory you can revel to the following attractions:
- NEW! Camel Toe Spotting!
- Intemperance
- Lollygagging
- Knife Catching
- Rail Thieving
- NEW! Ask a Pirate!
- Til Diving
- Crow’s Nest
- Cleavage Spotting
- Rum Battles
- Privy Tipping
These attractions require payment in gold plate. None of that “Master Card” and “Lady Visa” business, Charlie.
