You be reading the post “Georgia Festival Replaces Joust with Wave Pool”

Click HERE to return to the front page of the Captain's blog!

Georgia Festival Replaces Joust with Wave Pool

Artwork courtesy of Erlatz Fink & Captain Drew

PiratePalooza TV can now confidently report that the Georgia Renaissance Festival (GARF) will replace its wildly popular joust with the world’s largest Renaissance wave pool.

At more than 1.5 acres, this new venue will be named the Dragoon Lagoon – easily stealing the crown from the Great Golly Wash at the Upper Mid-Kansas Enlightenment Faire.

Classic European Construction

The design and manufacture of this beach resort was awarded to the firm of Erlatz Fink, the same group responsible for the Georgia faire’s controversial roller coaster, The Consort Express.

According to our sources, the signature red Georgia clay comprising the current jousting grounds is already being covered with fine beach sand imported from lower Alabama, like many of the festival’s patrons.

During weekend rehearsals the continuous boom of dump trucks was said to drown out the rehearsals of popular Rennie Boy Band “The Landlochs”, according to one thankful observer named “Steve”.

It is estimated that it will take more than 180 yards of sand to create a Renaissance-accurate beach setting where patrons will be able soak up the warm Georgia sunshine.

Exciting New Booths

In the meantime, the faire has been busy building new booths to service beachgoers. While a complete list of businesses will be announced at the ribbon cutting, our reporters did discover a partial list, provided below.

  • The Willy Nilly Side-by-Side Racing Slide
  • Uncle Cho’s Imperial BBQ Pool Noodles
  • Queen Coco’s Slippery Nibbles
  • Milky Maida’s Sun Ointment & Ice Cream Boof
  • King Kowabunga’s Adventure Raft Rentals
  • Old School Soul Sister Towel & Umrellary
  • Lady Barass’ Medieval Thong Rentals

This list will be updated as new information emerges.

Dedicated Pirates Only Section

Hopes by many in this newsroom that the new beach would allow patrons to go topless were dashed by a reminder that certain members of the pirate community would take advantage of this option. In fact, an entire section of the wave pool will be dedicated to rumplayers – the shallow end.

PiratePalooza TV is proud to report that our parent organization,, holds a 10 year concession on all pirate activities at this new pirates section.

Pirate Rumplayers Ruin Everything

You just can’t have anything nice, it seems.

Old Joust / New Joust

Say goodbye to the classic jousting grounds

Never fear, joust fans, your popular horsie rides may not be going away! Not exactly. The traditional joust will be replaced by dolphin-riding stick-fighters, if our primary source standing outside an unnamed (yet popular) filling station 10 minutes west of the festival grounds is to be believed.

Danger to Patrons?

Critics of the Georgia Festival’s plan to replace the joust with a new beach are concerned about the safety of patrons, as in some places the water may be more than 3 feet deep.

They may be even more concerned by a large scale outbreak of Toxoplasmosis, a disease resulting from infection by the Toxoplasma gondii parasite, caused by exposure to infected cat feces.

“M’dude, what woulds’t thine expect to happen whens’t one lays down the largest puss-puss litterbox in all of Fulton County?” exclaimed a crazy cat wench practicing flower-selling on a hill near the site of the new beach.

OPENING IN 2025 – “Please Excuse Our Dust”

“Please Excuse Our Dust” signs around Newcastle (pronounced “newk-sull”) have started popping up, prompting one longtime park director to mutter “a little late for THAT isn’t it?”.

Another entirely different unnamed GARF official informs our reporters that the festival will fill the half-million-gallon pool using a nearby creek, previously employed (by some) as a scenic alternate entrance to the festival grounds.

At this rate, Dragoon Lagoon is expected to reach full pool by May of 2025.


Some information in this report may be idle speculation while other elements are entirely fictitious. The term “wench” has become controversial within the wench community, and was only used in this article for salacious effect. Yes, the King’s first name is “Kowabunga”. ASK HIM!!! Georgia Festival to Replace Joust


Comments are closed.