New DirtBlocke™ product is set to revolutionize a weird Medieval fetish
On Tuesday morning the old space pirate known as Captain Drew made an unscheduled presentation to the joint House and Senate budget hearings for the 155th Georgia General Assembly to request funding for a “new brand of sunblock made exclusively for rennies” this product is apparently slated to go on sale from the trunk of his car later this year at the Georgia Renaissance Festival in Fairburn, Georgia.
Even
as he was being dragged from the chamber by the Governor’s security detail the
Captain tossed hundreds of investment fliers into the air. Provided below is
the text from one of those handbills, in the event you might like to invest.
Posted in: Shirts, Sponsor. Comments Off on 2019 PiratePalooza™ T-Shirt Sponsors
A great big HUZZAH for the sponsors of the 2019 PiratePalooza™ T-Shirts!! We deeply appreciate your financial assistance in making the 2019 t-shirts affordable for our attendees. Please help us in recognizing each of these companies!!! Keep reading for find out more about this year’s sponsors… Continue Reading
Last night a meeting was held between the Minstrels League of Greater Newcastle, Haverbrook, Lower Shasta, Upper Shasta, Dingle’s Hollow, and West Shelbyville. Up for discussion at the meeting was an idea for new marching uniforms (Diego), a motion to disallow further motions (J. Minstrel), and an impassioned speech by a masked bandit who demanded that a few minstrels should be assigned to perform at the 15th Annual running of the pirates at PiratePalooza™.
This is the complete schedule for the 15th Annual PiratePalooza Pubcrawl & Pubsing, to be held on Saturday, Septembarrrr 21st, 2019 – Captains: share it with your crews!
Hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate! The world has been on FIRE all month and temperatures will be slightly decreased by the time we challenge the Commodore on the square!! Grog and Ale and Porter and Rum can sneak up on you if you ain’t careful, so be sure to HYDRATE for the next few days. This means DRINK PLENTY OF WATER, not hooch or sodas or teas or salves or unguents!! Squeeze some limes into it, what do we care? If you don’t have water but DO have a lime be sure to yell out “I GOT A LIME!!!”. But hydrate, okay???!!
The 15th Annual PiratePalooza™ Pubcrawl & Pubsing shirts are now available for pre-order from the PiratePalooza Gear page (direct link). This year’s design features the Jolly Palooza crossbones in a celebrated 15th Anniversary Royal Pirate seal. Like last year, the design will be ‘burned’ into the shirt fabric but THEN we are overprinting with our signature GLOW IN THE DARK PIRATE INK, providing a soft AND glowy Palooza collectible!
Posted in: GARF, Pirate News. Comments Off on Captain Drew Turns Heat Rays to 11
In a fit of pique, Captain Drew ordered his crew to pummel the kingdom of Newcastle with his blistering heat cannons since they refused to surrender to his demand that Hollywood actress Jennifer Aniston moderate a debate between the Captain and King Henry Tudor to advance the Captain’s campaign for a non-existent election for the crown of that realm.
This evening The Association of Space Pirates of the Greater Magellanic Cloud and Associated Regions (“The Space Pirates”) released a statement to condemning allegations by Earth Senator Ted Cruz for “slandering our business practices” and “suggesting that we eat liver, blecch!!”.
The current King of the Space Pirates, Captain Drew, agreed to meet with one of our reporters on the condition that we buy him a plate full of hotdogs at the historic fast food restaurant The Varsity – a decision we would soon regret…
Posted in: GARF, Pirate News. Comments Off on Renaissance Festivals Prepare for Onslaught of Starbucks Cup Wielding Nerds
Concern began to quietly spread throughout America’s burgeoning Renaissance Festival network on Monday, following the latest revelation that a Starbucks cup had been spotted during a celebration scene in the latest episode of HBO’s immensely popular sword and sorcery series Game of Thrones.
National Renaissance Festival Experts are concerned that hundreds of be-caffeinated playtrons may soon descend upon active faires across the country this weekend, waving Starbucks’ iconic (and deliciously anachronistic) white and green paper cups over their heads, bursting with pride at their own cleverness.
Shortly after Noon on Saturday, April 14th, Captain Drew casually announced to a group of sea pirates gathered at the Tavern Upon the Hill in Newcastle that he had just decided to “run for King”. This was received with much more enthusiasm than his last plan to dig for treasure in a privy.
The Captain named his longtime rival Billy Bones as his running mate, cementing Newcastle’s once-fractured Pirate Party into a formidable voting bloc.
The growing list of the Captain’s campaign promises include:
First of all, if you have half a brain you would know that you should never, ever, plan to get into a fight at your local Renaissance Festival. It’s just a bad idea all the way around, Charlie.
Besides all of the obvious reasons for a person to avoid getting into a fight at any Renaissance Festival (broken teeth, forfeiture of Renfest Patron license, court costs), there are other less obvious reasons.
