Rum. Cleavage. Pubcrawls. YARRRR!
23Mar2025
FAIRBURN, GA — The Georgia Renaissance Festival is soaring to new heights as it celebrates its 40th anniversary with the introduction of a bold new transportation system to allow visitors to “Get. Around. (the) Rennaissance. Faire. (in) Buckets” or “GARF Buckets”, for short. GARF Buckets, are a whimsical aerial gondola network designed to carry visitors… Continue reading Georgia Faire Introduces “GARF Buckets”
08Jun2023
On April 29th, 2019, Captain Drew (space pirate) announced his candidacy for King of Newcastle against the incumbent King (“2 Door Hank”) Henry VIII. The Captain rushed through a questionable coronation ceremony at the Tavern on the Hill on the very last day of festival. That ceremony arguably made him the new King of Newcastle… Continue reading The Questionable Coronation of Captain Drew
08Apr2023
In a surprise announcement that literally no one saw coming, Captain “King” Drew has declared that seashells will become the “New Money” of Newcastle. Here’s what we know so far: Early Friday morning Captain Drew was rescued from a portable toilet in the “France” section of the Georgia Renaissance Festival, where he had been trapped… Continue reading King Drew Declares Seashells “New Money”
22Mar2023
I recently returned from a glorious 5-day stay at the Duchamp-Dubois Lower Middle Late Saxon Muppet Spectacular* in Riverdale, Georgia, in the soggy marsh in the woods just past the ramshackle train depot behind the Krispy Kreme. The directions are far too complicated to post here, but if you know about it you are a… Continue reading The Lower Middle Late Saxon Muppet Spectacular
01Apr2022
PiratePalooza TV can now confidently report that the Georgia Renaissance Festival (GARF) will replace its wildly popular joust with the world’s largest Renaissance wave pool. At more than 1.5 acres, this new venue will be named the Dragoon Lagoon – easily stealing the crown from the Great Golly Wash at the Upper Mid-Kansas Enlightenment Faire.… Continue reading Georgia Festival Replaces Joust with Wave Pool
26May2019
In a fit of pique, Captain Drew ordered his crew to pummel the kingdom of Newcastle with his blistering heat cannons since they refused to surrender to his demand that Hollywood actress Jennifer Aniston moderate a debate between the Captain and King Henry Tudor to advance the Captain’s campaign for a non-existent election for the… Continue reading Captain Drew Turns Heat Rays to 11
06May2019
Concern began to quietly spread throughout America’s burgeoning Renaissance Festival network on Monday, following the latest revelation that a Starbucks cup had been spotted during a celebration scene in the latest episode of HBO’s immensely popular sword and sorcery series Game of Thrones. National Renaissance Festival Experts are concerned that hundreds of be-caffeinated playtrons may… Continue reading Renaissance Festivals Prepare for Onslaught of Starbucks Cup Wielding Nerds
15Apr2019
Shortly after Noon on Saturday, April 14th, Captain Drew casually announced to a group of sea pirates gathered at the Tavern Upon the Hill in Newcastle that he had just decided to “run for King”. This was received with much more enthusiasm than his last plan to dig for treasure in a privy. The Captain… Continue reading King Drew Fever Grips Newcastle
16May2018
With scant few days left before the 2018 Pirate Weekend at the Georgia Renaissance Festival I felt it important to let everybody know that I have successfully infiltrated Newcastle’s web engine, stored behind the arcade located beneath the Drunk Monk Tavern. With the power of this 1990s technology I have reprogrammed the
11Apr2018
With only a few days left before this weekend’s opening day at the Georgia Renaissance Festival we have breaking news of a new attraction which is rumored for installment at the park: an honest to gosh rollercoaster named The Ale Attack!! The concept photograph accompanying this article shows a modern pipeline style coaster painted red… Continue reading BREAKING: Georgia Renaissance Festival Roller Coaster
30May2017
There’s an unofficial tradition among the cast at the Georgia Renaissance Festival that Memorial Day is observed as a “prank day” for tweaking costumes, characters, storylines, and songs ever so slightly as to entertain each other in order to survive the final leg of a brutal 3-day run. These minor alterations usually go unnoticed by patrons of the festival, but they provide the… Continue reading Maui Shocks Festival Crowd
21May2017
This past Saturday was the first of a 2-day pirate invasion of the Georgia Renaissance Festival, and I must admit that I had a great time wandering around the old place again. We started the day at the front door where some lady in purple yelled at everybody a long time before letting us all in.… Continue reading A Letter from Mark
18May2017
This weekend pirates will descend upon the Georgia Renaissance Festival for their annual late spring gathering. The traditional meeting point for this assembly is the Pub on the Hill, a picturesque pub serving beer, wine, cider, and ale. This spot is one of several pubs featuring stage acts like Landloch’d and the Beastly Boys. It also features Friar… Continue reading Captain Drew Announces Wholly Unauthorized Pub Crawl
10May2017
Yours truly, Captain Drew, was lucky enough to secure an invitation to an exclusive industry launch party for the fifth album by Landloch’d, a duo with a penchant for whiskey and sheep. This latest album is clearly their classiest one yet because it features the band’s mascot Delilah wielding a trident with a heart impaled on its tines, surrounded by a… Continue reading Landloch’d Releases The Devil’s Own Invention
08May2017
Late Sunday afternoon news of an incredible discovery at the Georgia Renaissance Festival began circulating in the general vicinity of a bush located across the street from the popular springtime event. Passersby report that a man disguised as a “big brown burglar” was shouting the “combination” to an alleged secret entrance to an air-conditioned underground brewpub… Continue reading Rumors of Secret Underground Brewpub at GARF
04May2017
Yesterday I was directing the workmen who were replacing the figurehead for the front of my ship when I noticed a tiny red flag had popped out of my rPhone so I carefully dialed the number to the orbital telemail waystation to check my inbox and discovered that the ticket drovers down at the Georgia Renaissance Festival had announced… Continue reading GARF Offers Best Ticket Deal of the Season
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