A list of all posts from the category: GARF

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Category Listing for: GARF

Free Water! Georgia Renfaire Shines Despite Rain (Top 10 List)

I know a lot of lubbers hide in their shacks when the storm clouds push in, but this past weekend at the Georgia Renaissance Festival I observed how the show goes on whether it rains or shines and I’ll count down TEN reasons why you should toss on your galoshes and head down to New Castle.

 

  1. GREAT PARKING
    On rainy days there are fewer cars which means that you get to park a lot closer to the entrance!
  1. CHEAPER THAN A WATER PARK
    The last time I checked (which was 3 minutes ago) a discount day pass ticket to White Water was $39.99 and the water parks don’t sell turkey legges or swords.
  1. SHORTER LINES
    Whether you’re in line for boiled eggs on a stick or the Welsh Shin-Kicking Ride, you won’t have as long to wait
  1. CLEAN RENNIES
    A rare sight indeed if you were to listen to the slanderous Haymarket press that I’ve written in past about rennies. All the same, bring some Himalayan Pink Salt Bar Soap along and see what happens!
  1. WAY COOLER
    By the time May rolls around the temps really begin to climb, but a jolly good rain storm can really chill you to the bone. Bring a bikini shawl along, just in case.
  1. EVERYTHING IS A MUD SHOW!
    Those mud-diving morons at the mud show have a lot more competition on rainy days because everyone from the pickle seller to the horse tickler are flopping around in the stuff whether they want to or not (they do not (want to)).
  1. CHOLERA
    Those portable toilets begin to….. you know what? Just skip ahead to number 3.
  1. WET BODICES
    The wenches may be chaste but their bodices say “You really are a creeper for staring at my wet chest you masked weirdo”. I’d advice that you not point, hoot and holler, or take pictures. Trust me.
  1. FREE WATER!
    While ice is rumored to be nearly unattainable for anyone but paying customers at the Renaissance Festival, the place is overflowing with free water on rainy days – it’s everywhere and it’s cheap and it’s gladly given to patrons and even the cast! Crazy, eh??
  1. WILD ENERGY
    When the cast and the boothies and everyone in-between are hemmed in by rain for hours on end they get a bit punch drunk and things begin to get really silly, so you’re bound to have some fun interactive adventures that might not happen on a non-rainy day.

So in closing, don’t be a-feared of getting a bit wet at the Renaissance Festival because it may be the best time you ever had!

Take it from me, a pirate!

 

 

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Section of Royal High Road Buckles in New Castle, Swallows Minstrels Whole

A gaggle of unsuspecting minstrels were swallowed up by the earth this past Sunday when a section of the Royal High Road in New Castle buckled due to a previously undetected tunnel, reported the Royal Guard.

Captain Drew, spokespirate for the Royal Alliance of Space Pirates (R.A.S.P.), responded via telex that his organization was “totally not involved in this unfortunate tunnel collapse” and that “the tunnel had not even been finished yet” and that “peepholes had Continue Reading

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Captain Announces Special VIP Cast Party at Drunk Monk

On Saturday evening reports began filtering in to the ship that Captain Drew had been conspicuously absent from the opening day of the Georgia Renaissance Festival, as there were no reports of broken railings and zero beers spilled on Edward the Redbeard.  There were, however, scattered whisperings from around the kingdom suggesting that someone matching the Captain’s description might have been been spotted on the grounds the previous evening and there were several suspicious incidents reported, including a lingering power outage at The Peacock Tea Room (a popular dining destination) and some non-functional taproom equipment at a popular Continue Reading

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2016 Renaissance Festival Forms

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After an exciting incident with scones and a wooden chair at the Royal Peacock Tea Room, and in an effort to decrease rail and bannister-related injuries, I recently assumed the position of INSPECTOR with the Bureau of Renaissance Festival Inspections and paid a visit upon the Georgia Renaissance Festival and am pleased to announce that Continue Reading

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Renaissance at the Georgia Renaissance Festival

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As a skilled attendee of the Georgia Renaissance Festicle (GARF) I would like to share with the world at large my excitement at the genuine effort the owners have been putting into spiffing the old place up and marketing her to Atlanta – there’s been a literal “renaissance” at this year’s Renaissance Festicle. In years past GARF’s television spots featured some other bunch of renfest actors from some other faire – this year the spots have featured the actual Georgia cast – and those spots are running online as well – I see them on Facebook every day and have scored discounts to GARF from those online ads when they feature discount codes like Continue Reading

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Queen Anne’s Bad Romance

Oh for the love of ten thousand blinding suns, Queen Anne has taken up with wonton kissing wenches and traveling minstrels… surely this cannot end well for Her Majesty…

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Vote for Three Quarter Ale!

Three Quarter Ale

Now be the time for all you scurvy seadogs to rise to action and pay me heed! You see, my dear scoundrels, those minstrels what tend by the appellation “Three Quarter Ale” be in deadly, earnest combat against overwhelming odds against an army of land lubbers and they need YOUR HELP in winning the Georgia Lottery’s All Access Music Search tomorrow! So what do you need to do? Keep reading!!! Continue Reading

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When Henry Met Louis

Captain Drew, on his eternal quest for revenge against the Beach Boys, recently signed up for a Memorial Day weekend cruise to Aruba, Jamaica, Bermuda and Bahama, with a stopover in 16th century England where he happened to catch a most unlikely encounter between King Henry VIII and Le Roi, the time-traveling Sun King, better known as Louis XIV of France. What a load of commas.

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The 1534 Census

When you’re a busy space pirate you always run the risk of being disenfranchised from local politics due to your frequent absences from the planet, which is why it’s so vitally important to mail in your census information to the Kingdom (so that you may be better taxed). Fortunately, the King has been thoughtful enough to send ’round his own Tax Collector to gather census information from those too busy (or illiterate) to fill out the proper paperwork. Here you’ll see him interviewing Captain Drew for the 1534 census!

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Wicked Pete vs Captain Drew

This past weekend Wicked Pete Speakeasy caught Captain Drew loitering in New Castle, leading to a nasty game of Salt, Slug, Foot between the two. Fortunately for you, it was captured on magnetic media.

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